Odd Epitaphs

Some Odd Epitaphs

A Peculiar Symposium Contributed by Noted Women

 

A symposium of queer epitaphs, contributed by noted women of the United States, was an interesting feature of the annual meeting of a local literary club of Bucyrus, O.  The idea was suggested by a quaint inscription on a tombstone in a local cemetery, and it was determined that each member of the club should secure from some noted woman of the country the most unique epitaph that had ever come under her notice.  The result was interesting in the extreme.  The following are among those secured: 

 

Mrs. Cleveland submits an epitaph which is said to be carved upon a stone in the nature of a matrimonial advertisement.  Here is the inscription: 

"Sacred to the memory of James H. Random, who died Aug. 6, 1800.  His widow, who mourns as one who can be comforted, aged only 24 and possessing every qualification of a good wife, lives in this village."

 

Mrs. Sherman confines herself to her own locality and send an inscription which ca be found in an old Mansfield cemetery.  It is as follows:

"Under this sod and under these trees

Lieth the pod of Solomon Pease.

He is not in this hole, but only his pod.

He has shelled out his soul and went up to his God."

 

Mrs. Brice gives two, which properly go together.  The first was the inscription over the remains of the first wife of a Californian and reads:

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away

Blessed by the name of the Lord!"

 

The grave of a second wife was embellished with the other inscription, equally appropriate:

"I called upon the Lord, and he heard me and delivered me out of all my troubles."

 

Mrs. Harrison gives this quotation from a western monument:

This yere is sakrd to the mem'ry of Bill Henry Shraken, who come to his death by being shot with a Colts revolvers--one of the old kind, brass mounted, and of such is the kingdom of hevin."

 

Mrs. Foraker thinks the accompanying is about as curious as any she has ever heard:

"Here lie I and my two daughters,

Brought here by drinking sedlitz waters.

If we had stuck to Epsom salts,

We wouldn't be laying in these here vaults."

 

This rather peculiar selection comes form a Massachusetts cemetery and is furnished by Mrs. Grant:

"Here lies the best of slaves now turning into dust.

Caesar, the Ethiopian, craves a place among the just.

His faithful soul has fled to realms of heavenly light.

And by the blood that Jesus shed is changed form black to white.

January he quitted the state

In the 77th year of his age.

1780"

 

Mrs. McKinley quotes the only oration over the remains of Tom Paine, the infidel, written by himself and delivered at his request:

"Poor Tom Paine, here he lies!

Nobody laughs, and nobody cries

Where his soul is and how it fares

Nobody knows, and nobody cares."

 

Mrs. Alger contributes a curiosity, but fails to say whether it is to be found in a Michigan burying ground or some place more remote:

"Here, fast asleep and full six feet deep

And seventy summers ripe,

George Thomas lies and hopes to rise

And smoke another pipe."

 

The following, however, does come from a Michigan cemetery at La Pointe and is furnished yb Mrs Stevenson;

"This stone was erected to the memory of J--- D---, who was shot as a mark of esteem by his surviving relatives."

 

Mrs. Reed quotes the lines of Shakespeare engraved on the stone above his remains:

"Good friend, for Jesus' sake, forbear

To dig the dust inclosed here.

Blest be the man who spares these stones

And cursed be the man that moves my bones!"

 

Mrs. Bryan's contribution comes from a little graveyard near Pittsfield, Mass.;

"When you, my friends, are passing by,

And this informs you where I lie,

Remember you ere long must have,

Like me, a mansion in the grave.

Also three infants, two sons and a daughter."

 

Chicago is represented by Mrs. Potter Palmer, whose selection is as follows:

"Here lies, returned to clay,

Miss Arabella Young,

Who, on the 1st of May,

Began to hold her tongue."

 

Mrs. Hanna quotes from a tomb in Pennsylvania.  The inscription reads:

"Sacred to the memory of Charley and Varley

Sons of loving parents who died in infancy."

 

In addition to the above there were a number of others which came in without signatures attached.  Among the latter was the following:

The writer has seen with her own eyes the following inscription, which appears on a stone in a little cemetery in Cornwall, England:

"Here lies entoomed one Roger Morton,

Whose sudden death was early brought on.

Trying one day his corns to mow off,

The razor slipped and cut his toe off.

The toe, or what it grew to.

The inflammation quickly flew to.

The parts they took to mortifying.

And poor, dear Roger took to dyeing."